The Shovel Talk
by DepressingGreenie
Summary: When James came over to see Tony and saw his bestfriend's new boyfriend in the kitchen... he thought it would be the perfect time to give some shovel talk. ... It could have gone better... [Stony/Steve x Tony] #Canon Divergence AU, #Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, #Good Boyfriend Steve Rogers, #BAMF Steve Rogers, #Embarrassed Tony Stark, #Some Fluff, #Stony Bingo


James stops in his tracks at the sight of the tall muscular blond in Tony's kitchen. He takes a moment to consider the man. It must be Tony's boyfriend; Steve. The man matches what Tony told him about the guy.

The guy is bigger than he imagined. Tony had described the man as big and well built, but Tony has a thing for exaggerations. However it doesn't seem to be the case here.

James puts a smile on his face and steps forward to introduce himself. It's been years since Tony had been serious about someone, he wants to make sure the guy is going to do right by him.

The man turns at the sound of this entrance and gives him a friendly smile.

"Hey, I'm James Rhodes. Tony's friend." He says, offering his hand out to shake. "You must be Steve" They man's smile brightens at the implication that Tony has been telling his friends about him.

Steve shakes his hand, his grip frim. But a pleasant amount, not as if the guy was trying to break your hand to show how strong and mescaline he was. So, that already puts him above most guys James meets on a day to day basis.

"Look man, I'll sure you are a good guy and all. But I have to say this. You know how it is" James says seriously.

Steve nods solemnly and leans back against the kitchen counter.

James continues. "As Tony's best friend, it is my duty to look out for him, understood? I have been looking out for his neck since we met in MIT, that was years ago. I am experienced in this. Not only will I go to lengths to protect him, I have the skills too."

"I am a Colonel of the US Air Force. There are elements of my training that will aid me in making your life miserable if you so dare do my best friend wrong. I have connections, my connections have connections. They have connections too…"

Tony's guy is unaffected by his words. He hasn't moved from his spot against the counter and is smiling at him kindly. If he is affected by his words he is not showing it.

"I can play underhanded, I can get you without it coming back to me. With all that I have done for my country, all the dark horrors I've seen… dealing with you if you so much as touch him wrong will be a walk in the park. You don't just get though service with only what they teach you. There are skills you learn out there in the field. Those skills are mightily handy, you know what I'm saying?" Steve is still calmly leaning back against the counter. Maybe the guy is not taking him seriously. He's dealt with that type before. He'll just have to make himself clearer.

"My point is: You do any wrong to that man, I'll screw you over without needing to dirty my own hands. I can serve you your dues and be commended for it." He says. "You understand me? Am I clear?"

James stops and takes in the man before him. Steve wasn't even in the least bit intimidated. Steve was leant back against the kitchen counter, his posture completely open and non-threatening. Looking completely unbothered by anything he had just said. Instead, he looked somewhat pleased.

Realising he was getting nowhere he decides to give in. He gives Steve a questioning look, the ball was in Steve's court now.

Steve leans forward with a grin and pushes away from the counter to stand, and despite how friendly the man seems he can't help but notice how large the man really is. "I'm glad that Tony has someone like you on his side, James, looking out for his best interests." He says, holding his hand out.

James cautiously takes it.

"I have no intentions of hurting Tony, nor doing wrong by him." Steve continues, shaking his hand "If you are really worried, I'm sure someone like you would have the power to run a background check on me. Go ahead, I don't mind. Fair warning, a lot of my history is classified due to my military service. I'm sure that too, you would understand"

James nods and Steve passes him a card with his details on it.

"I'll have to go now. It was nice meeting you, Colonel" Steve says, giving him a small two fingered salute as he leaves with a big smile.

He puts Steve's card in his pocket without a glance and quickly makes his way down to Tony's workshop, a number of questions burning his tongue.

James enters the workshop without as much as a knock, so used to being down here with Tony. JARVIS turns down Tony's music and announces his presence.

Tony turns away from his project and gives him a small wave. "What do I owe the pleaser, Platypus?"

"Your boy is… something else, you know that?" he says, walking over to Tony.

"Yeah, sure is" Tony responds with a smirk. "You met Steve then?"

James thinks back to the man, Steve, who he met in the kitchen. Tony's new beau. "Yeah… I have" he says.

Confusion fills Tony's expression. "… Did something happen?"

"No… no" James assures him. "I just thought I would let him know he has to do right by you. That man was completely unshakeable. It was unnerving"

Tony drops his spanner with a loud clang and groans.

"OH MY GOD! Rhodey, no! Please tell me you didn't." Tony says miserably. "Oh, this is so embarrassing."

"What is embarrassing? What is going on?" James asks, not quite sure what he wasn't getting, what he's missing. "He's your new boy, … isn't he?"

Tony runs his hand over his face with a groan. He takes a moment to breathe before responding. "You just gave the shovel talk to Captain America" he says, eying him despairingly.

"WHAT? HE'S-?" James says, shock and embarrassment waring with one another.

Glancing at the ceiling with a sigh, Tony replies, "Yeah"

"Oh my god" James says more to himself than Tony. He just-… He wasn't sure if this was something you could live down.

"I know" Tony says, seeming just as mortified as he was, if that was even possible. At the moment he doubts it.

James walks over to the couch and takes a seat. "And he was so chill about it" He says.

"He usually is." Tony says in agreement, turning back to the engine he was working on.

A small nagging thought enters James mind. "… Hang on? How do you know he is…?" he says.

"I… You need to be a whole lot drunker if you want to hear that story, sorry." Tony says, pointedly not looking up from his project. "So embarrassing" he mutters under his breath.

James has to wonder what could possibly be more embarrassing than this. He probably doesn't even want to know.

* * *

_**The End**_

Notes: For my Cap-Iron Man Bingo Prompt "Oh Crap!" [O5]

I'm not really a fan of shovel talk. I usually comes off as emotionally abusive on the part of the character doing the shoveling. And it kind of looks like the character being protected has no agency over their own life and choices... thanks to their 'friends'. (Let's not even touch on real life shovel talk. Shitty, real shitty.) Anyway, this is where the prompt brought me and I wasn't happy with any of the other ideas that I thought up for it. 


End file.
